Sad Matthew Imagine
I adjusted my dress around my hips. It was too tight, I could barley zip it up. It was so unflattering to my body. Instead of sucking my stomach in, it only exposed it more. It made my thighs look huge and my shoulders appear broader. This dress had fit me last fall, and now almost a year later, I looked like a stuffed sausage. I was getting so sick and tiered of not fitting into my cloths anymore. And I hadn’t gotten any taller, just..heavier. With defeat I unzipped the dress and I could finally breath again. I head it up to my face and examined it. Size 3. I couldn’t fit into a size three. I looked at myself in the mirror, just in my bra and underwear. I had never been so unsatisfied and discussed with myself before. I felt my eyes begin to itch as I looked myself up and down. Finally the long overdue tears came streaming down my face. I had to turn away from the mirror, only because I couldn’t look at myself anymore. I was so fat. And ugly. And worthless. I thought of my skinny pretty size 2 friends. I wanted to be thinner. I wanted to be perfect. I tried to wipe my eyes as my phone rang. It was my boyfriend, Matthew. I sniffles before answering. “Hello?” I asked, trying to sound like I hadn’t just been sobbing.
“Y/n? Are you ok?” Matt always knew when something was wrong.
“Yea, I’m fine.” I lied
“Ok. I’ll be there in about 10 minuets, are you ready?” He asked
“Uhh, almost.” I sniffles again
“Are you sure your alright.”
“Ok, be there soon.”
“Ok. Bye.” I hung up the phone and dragged myself to my closet. Looks like I would be wearing jeans and a loses fitting shirt. Again. I grabbed a pair of ripped up jeans and squeezed into them. I flipped through the shirts in my closet and settled on a flowy red blouse. My outfit was screamed whatever, I don’t care how I look. But everything was just…whatever. I saw Matthews car in my driveway and I ran out as quickly as I could even though I was dreading going out to dinner. I slid into the passenger seat. I saw Matthews lit up face and his shinning brown eyes. “Hey!” He smiled. Usually his face could cheer me up, but the mood I was currently in had no cure. “Hi.” I said dully.
“You look great.” He said, but I’m sure he was lying. I didn’t respond. I pushed my hair out of my eyes, then remembers they could still be red and puffy, so I quickly turned my head so I was looking out the window. “So where do you want to go?” He said, a little to cheery for my liking. “I don’t really care.” I decided
“Are you ok? Your not acting like yourself…”
“How?” I said sharply, turning to him.
“Never mind. Well just go to Olive Garden or something.”
“You honestly think I can afford to eat pasta right now?” I accidentally said.
“Just..never mind. Just go there.” I shook my head. He gave me a look, but then continued driving off.
We parked at Olive Garden, the last place I wanted to be. All I could imagine was all the carbs and fattening food the place had to offer. We were seated quickly and the waiter took our order. Matthew got some kind of spaghetti, now it was my turn. “And for you mam?”
“Umm.” My eyes scanned the menu. There was no way I would eat any of this. “Can I just have a salad. And a water?” I asked politely. Matthew shot me a look, but I didn’t look back at him. “Ok, coming right up.” The waiter nodded and walked off somewhere else.
“A salad huh?” Matthew asked
“Yes. And water.” I crossed my arms over my chest. He just nodded and pulled out his phone. This date was not going well, but how could anything go well when I was in a mood like this?
Soon the waiter returned to our table with Matthews huge bowl of pasta and my petite salad plate. I look down at my pathetic plate of salad which was just different shades of green leaves and generic ranch dressing. Then my envoys eyes look at Matthew, who was devouring his meal. I played with the salad, took a few bites, then pushed it around again. I was so hungry, but I was also hungry for perfection. And you could never get that by eating. Matthew finished and he must not haw noticed I barley touched my salad. This wasn’t the first time I hadn’t eaten. I almost never ate lunch, I always skipped breakfast, and I always said I was full at dinner. I wasn’t angry at him though, because nobody noticed. Matthew payed the bill, and by the time we walked out, the sky had grown dark and the air was now cold. He threw his arm around my waist,but he could barley reach past my hips. That only made me feel more gigantic. He opened and closed the door behind me. Neither of us spoke until I saw him take a wrong turn. “Matt my house is that way.” I reminded him
“I know, I need to make a quick stop.” He pulled into a gas station. “Wait here.” He whispered. I felt like he was in there forever and when I saw him come out with two slurpies, I just wanted to bolt out of there. He smiled at me and opened his car door and handed me one. “Red. Your favorite.” I reluctantly took it, but I didn’t drink it. I watched as he drank his. “You know y/n, one slurpie won’t kill you.” He said, peering up at me.
“Ya, sure.” I laughed, setting it in the cup holder. “Drink it.” He ordered
“Drink it. It’s good for you.”
“It is most definitely not good for me.”
“You need to eat.” He said sternly
“But this isn’t food.”
“Y/n.” He sighed. “I’m not an idiot. Since when do you get a salad?”
“I like salad.” I said defensively
“You hate salad.” We both knew that was true.
“Well..” I started
“No. Tell me what is going on, I can help.” He said quietly, setting his drink down as well.
“No, you can’t” I huffed Turing away from him
“Please. Let me try.” He grabbed my hand and healed it gently. I closed my eyes so tightly, holding the tears in. “Fine.” I gave in. “I want to be skinnier. No, I need to be skinnier.”
Matthew looked almost amused. “For real?” He smiled
“See Matthew, I told you! You can’t help.” I turned away from him again, and pulled my hand out of his.
“I’m sorry. Keep talking.” He grabbed me by the shoulders so I was facing him. “Ok.” I kept my eyes low, and I never looked up to him.
“I feel huge. All of my friends, all those pretty girls on the internet, their all so thin and perfect. Just everything about them is everything I’m not.”
“But y/n…your not fat, or ugly. You are perfect. Your beautiful.” He lifted up my chin.”can’t you just agree with me on this one?” I felt a tear spill over my eyes.
“Never.” He whispers,
“But but I’m so-“
“Yes, I know. Your so beautiful. And I am so lucky.” He kept his voice quiet. It was so soothing.
“Quit lying to me.” I shook my head in disbelief.
“Do you want me to be completely honest?”
“Please.” I cried.
“Fine. Your mascara is under your eyes and your shirt is out and it would look better tucked in and your hair isn’t straight in the back. But I don’t notice that crap Unless you tell me too. I don’t lie, especially to you. So I am going to tell you the cold, brutal truth. You are stunning, weather you see it or not. So drink the damn slurpie. It’s good for you.” He said, finishing it off with a slow peck on the lips. I grabbed the back of his neck and rested my forehead against his. “You a good boyfriend, Espinosa.” I whispered.
here you go! i decided to go with Matthew, hope you like it!